Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Sometimes Friends Buy Coops

And sometimes coops require letters of recommendation. In case you're in a similar position, feel free to copy and paste from this one (Shouts & Murmurs, have your people call my people).
I am writing to express my support for Baroness von Dupont Circle, whom I have had the pleasure of knowing for over ten years, and consider one of the kindest people in New York. She will make an excellent neighbor, and here are a few examples of why.
Once I asked to borrow a cup of sugar, and she actually gave me a cup of highly concentrated Columbian cocaine. She didn't even ask to split the profits with me after I sold it to the neighborhood kids. Instead, she told me I was going about it all wrong, and should be giving it away for free to build a dependent customer base. Her business savvy and knowledge of the markets makes her an asset to her company, and a general pleasure to be around.
Baroness von Dupont Circle is also very kind to animals. She runs a Hospital for Rodents out of her closet, and takes great care in nursing injured vermin back to health. She has also started a breeding program, because she heard that there was a shortage of rats in the West Village.
She is also a devoted friend who goes to great lengths to help others. I once asked to borrow a bone saw, arsenic, and trash bags. She was happy to help, and didn't pester me with questions. She even let me borrow her great great grandfather's shotgun once, which was very valuable since it was used in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
She is also really fun to go shopping with, especially because we never pay for anything. She has a knack for fraud, and always uses a stolen credit card without drawing the slightest suspicion. We have loads of fun drinking champagne at Jeffrey and charging Louboutins to her latest victim, LOL!
It is selfless acts like these that make the Baroness such a great person, and you would be lucky to have her as your neighbor.

2 comments:

Josh said...

good neighbors are hard to find

-spiegel

nice work on the curbed link

Adam said...

Yeah, ha ha. You should read some of the drivel I have to rewrite on behalf of my customers (God forbid I ask them to spell their friend's name correctly). Letter writing is a dead art form to be sure.

How about the one from the Lt Colonel that made it sound like the buyer allowed a train tp be pulled on her in Iraq to boost the troops' morale?

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